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Back in Black

Hello my lovelies!!

In December, when I said that I would be running silent for the month, to try and focus on myself and the children, and to find some equilibrium for us, I didn’t anticipate the dark days ahead.  Our anniversary and Christmas passed mostly without event, much to my surprise.  It was SWTs birthday on January 8 that didn’t just throw me off the horse.  It then proceeded to stomp and kick me into the ground and then laid down and rolled, as well.  SWT and my oldest son knew of a youtube channel he had posted and showed me. On this channel there was a video of SWT singing a rendition of “Piano Man” that he had rewritten for a friend who was celebrating her last day at a previous job of his.  Seeing him, hearing him–after three months of silence was just more than my brain could bear, and then at that moment our youngest son (2) heard his voice and came flying down the hall yelling “Daddy!  Daddy!” and tried to reach for him through the computer screen.  All I can say is that at that moment, anything that may have still been clinging to some illusion of being whole in me, shattered.  I fell into a depression I am still finding my way out of, but I think that finally, after almost two more months of sabbatical than I planned?  I am finally getting there.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who continued to check on me.  For your emails, your stories of your families, your successes with our products, even just funny little anecdotes or condolences.  You will never know how much all of that meant to me, how it helped me pull through one day at a time.  Looking back, I realize that I should have leaned into this community and how you embraced me after SWTs loss, rather than turning away and hiding.  The site, writing to you all–it kept me going, and gave me something to focus on, to work towards.  Without it, I became lost in my own head, in a terrible dark space–SWT became a place that was just one more symbol of my loss; working on files became just one more concrete example of how he was really gone.  Thank you for supporting me and allowing me space to grieve and find my footing, and for continuing to keep the site profitable while I mourned.  I know I’ve said it a million times, but you are all beyond amazing.  I am blessed.

To bring you all the updates that people have been asking for?  I AM continuing to run SWT.  I am establishing a game plan for the site as we speak to keep it moving smoothly, moving foward, and to make sure I have something to keep myself accountable.  SWTs goal was to take the  site mainstream and make it a mover and a shaker, so that it would be a source of income for me should anything happen to him.  We wanted to continue to roll out better and better files, and to keep the site evolving and cutting-edge to meet the needs of you all as our family in this community.  Expect the look of SWT to change some in the coming months as I make sure that everything here is legalese perfect, so that I can begin some mainstream advertising to drive the site.

I have mostly mastered the sound software at this point, so start expecting to see new files popping up soon.  Also, through the months since SWT has passed?  I have gotten many, many requests for some amazing files from some of you, and while I will continue to keep SWT stocked with files that encourage your wives to find their inner sex Goddess?  I will also begin to introduce some files that meet the changing demands of the community and promote intimacy and communication within marriage, encourage your wives to embrace their bodies changes with age, and a couple specialty areas.  I’ve lightly mentioned that I come from a medical background and I am going to turn the passion for psychology and the workings of the deeper mind into inspiration for a different line of files–but more on that later when I have a bit better timeline in place.  I can’t tell you how excited I am to grow with you all!

Above all, please continue to bear with me.  I haven’t told many of you the larger portion of my story:  In 2016, SWT and I moved from the Pacific Northwest (Oregon–where I spent almost all of my 37 years) to the midwest for a new job opportunity for him.  When he died in October I found myself alone with four children, my friends and family over two thousand miles away.  The loneliness and stress from trying to do everything by myself has been beyond daunting.  I will be moving back home when my two oldest are done with school for the year, and I will finally have access to childcare for my two younger kids so that I can devote a chunk of time to SWT and my other endeavors, not just during odd hours when they happen to be sleeping or preoccupied for a 5-minute stretch.  That is when things will start moving along at a much more reliable pace.  Until then, I am here!  my gmail had a syncing glitch about two weeks ago and I lost a lot of email.  Some of it has “reappeared” in my box, but if I haven’t responded to you and it’s been a while, please resend.  I’ll answer as soon as I can.

 

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