Hi All,
This is Melissa (missus SWT). I have been delaying posting for over two weeks now, and I apologize. Dave (SWT) passed away shortly after my last update in the early hours of the morning on October 25. I don’t know what all he shared with you as a group, but I have been humbled with the outpouring of support you all had given him prior to the procedure, especially when family and friends couldn’t be bothered to call or check in on us, let alone take time to listen to him or offer help. I have medical background–before I became a lazily content, well-trained housewife, I was employed in a cutting edge, level-one trauma center on the west coast. I received a call from the hospital just after midnight and I could hear shouting and code alarms going wild in the back ground. The RN wouldn’t tell me anything, of course–except that Dave’s condition had changed and I needed to get in ASAP. I woke up four sleepy kids, hauled them in to the car, and drove the 10 minutes from our hotel to the hospital. When I got there the information was sparse from the staff–Dave had experienced a sudden run of ventricular fibrillation and while they were trying to cardiovert him back to a normal rhythm, his heart stopped completely. Apparently a staff doctor on that night was familiar with ECMO (a portable type of heart-lung bypass) and was able to get Dave on to that to buy them more time to get OR set up.
They took him to OR and after that, I have a lot of speculation as to what occurred. In the medical conference which followed after, I was told his official time of death was called at 0307. There was a lot of medical jargon bandied about, most of what had absolutely nothing to do with the reality of anatomy and physiology I understood, and when I asked questions I was stonewalled with a quick finality. The surgeon’s practice has refused to contact me since that day, even to provide the medical excuses necessary for my two oldest to return to school. To give you an idea, I DID have a private autopsy conducted on SWT and I am currently awaiting the results of that, with an eye to pursuing medical malpractice. My understanding is that this is NOT a first or second occurrence of the surgeons operating, and this makes me sick, not just for me, but for any other family that has suffered such a senseless, preventable loss.
So forgive me, this two weeks has been a blur of adjusting to a reality that I never truly entertained. When SWT passed that morning, I didn’t just lose my husband. I lost my lover, my best friend, and my partner in crime. I lost a lifetime of our dreams, our hopes, and our plans–in the space of two hours. More than anything, I never realized how SWT and I were always “touching.” He had a day job, and during the evening we were in close proximity as we worked on our site, but we were always connected in some way, no matter how close or far apart we were. Sometimes text and g chat or silly little text messages. In the evenings it was long talks and snuggles and laughter while we did our thing, or talking from different rooms if we had separate projects going on. Now he is gone, and the silence is absolutely deafening. His things sit in our house, as if he will walk in the door at any moment–but the shadows fall, and lengthen, and I am faced with the reality that another day will pass without his cheerful “hey baby” and a sweet kiss when he walks in from work–that those days without him will now stretch to infinity. I have two of everything in the world I now have no further use for, and the one thing I needed more than the oxygen I breathe is gone forever. I am trying to learn how to grieve while honoring my four kids unique grieving styles, and hold what is left of my family together. I feel that I should eulogize him more, but when trying to describe him, words fail. I opted to have him cremated, as i will be returning home to the west coast as soon as school is over for the year, to avoid upsetting my kids more. After finalizing arrangements, I was informed that my urn was available for engraving. I picked a quote that I think embodies our marriage and our life together, and that is what I will share with you. “Every once in a while, in the middle of an ordinary life, Love gives us a Fairytale.” He was my knight, my protector,my everything. My existence was so much brighter for having him in it, and I just have still not accepted the reality that his amazing story has come to an end, and that mine must march on, so much less colorful and mundane without his vivid splashes of ingenuity, and humor, and irreverence for life and its constraints brightening up my more serious nature.
He had such affection for all of you as a group. What started out as a random money making idea (Hey, is there a market for this?? Let’s find out!) Quickly became a passion as your success stories started to trickle in and he realized he was providing something that was not only wanted, but was truly helping the market he was tapping in to. He loved sharing your stories with me, and we loved getting feedback from you and devising new scripts together based on your input. I oftentimes wonder if we maybe knew what was going to happen. We loved harder those last couple weeks, and we talked about things we have never before approached–things like the question of what would happen to SWT if he were to die on the table, or sometime immediately following. His overwhelming desire was to have me continue the site in his absence. I want to let you all know I’ve decided to do that. Ever since SWT came clean and admitted what he was doing to me, I’ve been instrumental in designing and testing the scripts. I can’t believe I am doing this without my partner, but I would like to continue to provide you all feedback driven, high quality files that address many of the issues SWT and I overcame in our marriage to have a relationship that was (I am now finding out) the envy of so many people that knew us. Please bear with me, SWT was my IT Geek Knight, and was the far more proficient of us at uploading files, managing coupons, etc. I am still learning this side of the business and will be using the holiday breaks coming up to bring myself up to speed on all of this, so I can begin rolling out files ASAP. In the meanwhile, October was our best month overall in the history of the site!! SWT is smiling, I know it. I also know he’d roll out a coupon to celebrate and to thank all of you for your support! I am going to roll out a 25% sitewide coupon through Black friday (pssssst, there may be special deals on BF too) to give thanks. Thanks for making our site such a fantastic success. Thanks for anything you choose to be thankful for. Remember to take a moment to give thanks especially for those important in your life, and if you can, take a moment to show them your affection. Something I’ve learned in raw, painful clarity the last couple weeks is that tomorrow is NOT promised, so fill today with as much joy and love and sunshine as you can.
I am not going to post about our current “situation” here, but if you are interested in how we are doing, if we need assistance, etc–please feel free to contact me. I will be manning the SWT email from now on, and I will be happy to give more details in a less public setting. Thank you all for all your support!!
–mSWT
9 thoughts on “Lifting the Veil”